Best Gift EVER for Mother's Day

Give Mom what she's spent a lifetime giving you

From our first red-faced wail in the delivery room, Moms pay attention to every sound that comes out of our mouths.

They listen until they’re cross-eyed, until their ears go numb, until the cows come home.

When we’re little, they listen to stories about imaginary friends; when we’re older, they listen to stories about friends they only wish were imaginary.

Even when we live miles, heck, even continents away, Moms know everything that’s going on with us just from the sound of our voices when we say, “Hi, Mom.” They know when we’re in love, they intuit when we’re heart-broken.

Listening is pretty much Motherhood 101 and almost all Moms ace that class.

No matter how old we get, moms still do the listening and kids still do the yakking. I know I’m guilty of it. Over the years, no matter how old I’ve gotten, when I’ve got good news to share, I call my Mom first. When my heart hurts, I drive over to her place, plop myself down on her couch, burst into tears and can talk for hours without stopping.

She listens, nods, asks spot-on questions, comforts, reassures, and almost always asks me first before offering unasked-for advice: “Do you want any input from me, honey, or did you just want to share?”

And what do I do after unloading my troubles? I do what any kid does. I wipe off my tears, blow my nose, tell her I felt so much better after talking with her. Then, leaving her, I’m sure, with some worries, I rush back out into the world to skin my knees again on the playground of life.

My favorite photo of me and my Mom. I’ll bet I had asked her a question and she was answering or teaching me something about a flower or a plant.

Ask any mom what she wants for Mother’s Day, and I guarantee she’ll say, “To spend more time with my children.”

But the older I get, the more I realize that “spending time” with someone just doesn’t cut it. It’s not about “spending” time, is it? Shouldn’t it be about “honoring” the time we have with our Moms? Making the most of it? Creating an experience to remember, rather than just a day or afternoon “spent” with Mom?

Mothers labor for years and years to make their kids feel like they’re the most smart, talented, fascinating individuals on earth. And they do it mostly by asking questions and listening – carefully and patiently – to our answers. How many of us put even half that effort into making our moms feel special too?

Maybe we should take a page from the mother’s handbook this year. Instead of scribbling our names to some hastily bought card or sending last-minute flowers that inevitably wilt, maybe we should just sit down with our mums and ask them questions about their non-mom lives.

Serious questions. Silly questions. Questions that will spark a conversation and give us a glimpse into the woman behind the mother: When was her happiest year? Does she have any regrets? Was she popular in high school? Was Dad the only man she ever loved?

Who took this photo of my Mom? How old was she in this pic? Did she have any clue how beautiful and sexy she was?

If she could have been one movie star, who would she have wanted to be? What were her hopes and dreams when she was our age? What was her favorite book of all time?

I’d love to know who took this photograph, but more than that, I’d love to know what my Mom was thinking about. Guess I’ve got some questions to ask on Sunday.

What was her greatest success so far in her life? Is she afraid of dying? Does she believe in an afterlife or reincarnation? Which “Sex and the City” character is she most like? What was her last dream about?

My Mom has always maintained a sense of mystery. No matter how many questions I’ve asked of her, about her, she holds something in reserve. This photo, about 15 years ago I think, captures her mystery a bit.

Your mother is somebody’s child too. Just like you want to be listened to, so does she. But maybe her Mom’s gone, or maybe she’d love for you to know her a little bit better.

So, this Mother’s Day, don’t buy yet another tchotchke she doesn't need. Don’t send something to be delivered.

Go sit with her. Or call her up for a long chat. Learn what you don’t know about the woman who probably knows you better than anyone. Return the favor of deep interest. Return her decades-long labor of love. Ask a ton of questions and then shut up.

Just listen.

It’s free; it’s priceless. And it’ll be the best gift she never knew she wanted.

Happy Mother’s Day to my best friend. We argue, we laugh, we have deep, hours-long talks about life and death and politics and our souls and birds and lizards. Love you, Mom.

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