Let Love Rule

We think we're a nation at the edge of calamity. But what if it's just the edge of an old paradigm?

In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr., Day, and in advance of the unprecedented set of circumstances surrounding this Wednesday's presidential inauguration ... I'm sending out my usual-Friday THINK essay on Monday, today, instead.

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Yesterday I was having a difficult conversation with a family member.  We'd arrived at that moment.

You know that moment ... when two people come close to an ugly argument that can lead to hurt feelings and emotional distancing.  And sometimes even lead to tearing down a wall or two of the house they built together.

It's that moment when it becomes possible to forget that they love each other.  That they're family.

But it's also that moment when they can choose.  They still have time.

They're standing in that middle space where two roads intersect and maybe they've got their dukes up or maybe they've already turned their backs on each other, or maybe they're positioning their cars for a crazy dangerous game of chicken.

But they're still in that middle space.  That space that is used mostly just for passing through and where usually we take such care to not collide.

Of course we don't want to collide (or at least most of us don't), but we also shouldn't want to just "pass through" to the other side either, grateful only that there was no collision. Should we?

What if instead of passing through we decided to pause.  To be in the moment.  What if we stop in the intersection long enough to see each other.  To take a good, long look.

What if we don't push on to our destination of self-righteous indignation or limp off to lick our wounds, or even just give up and not talk at all.

What if we pause, and in that intersectional netherworld where choice abounds, we choose love?

When I realized the person I was speaking with yesterday was angry, I wanted to get pissy in return.  I wanted to feel hurt.  I wanted to bite back.  I wanted to shrug in resignation and let the anger stay in the room and maybe even grow.

But somehow grace intervened and my thoughts shifted.  I was able to see my ego at work.  The ego that wanted to puff itself up and either defend or attack (or worse yet, pull the ultimate ego-trick of slinking off because "it's just not worth it" or because sometimes playing the victim role is so damnably enticing).

As soon as my awareness saw what was going on, I was able to choose a different response.  I responded with the truth: raw, messy, and requiring a ton more work from both of us.  I loved the person sitting across the room from me (masked up and socially distanced!). I could love them in spite of their anger, I could maybe even love them because of their anger. And I could trust that they would love me back in return.

Because what I could suddenly see so clearly was that while it appeared that our egos were clashing and thrashing about for dominance and validation, what was really going on was the profound and seismic efforts of two souls struggling not for dominance but for the release of the need for dominance.

And I said all that and we talked it through.  A "fight" would have taken us five minutes and choosing love took over two hours but I don't think either of us view it as lost time.

Once we chose to perceive the love in the room, we were able to act and speak with the intention of love.  What was astonishing was how easy it had been to lose sight of love in the first place, even just briefly.

That's where we're at as a nation, too, except it’s been coming and lasting for an excruciatingly long time.  We've lost sight of the love of country.  Lost sight of the love of our fellow American.  Lost sight of loving love enough to stay in the room with what appears to be hate -- but which really isn't hate at all.  It's just love not visible.  Love not practiced.  Love not tried at long enough, hard enough, painstakingly enough. 

We're a nation fraught with worry this week.  Trump is leaving. Biden's inauguration. Armed guards everywhere. Threats of violence pinging off our collective conscious.

Our country is on tenterhooks waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We think we're a nation at the edge of calamity. But what if it's just the edge of an old paradigm? 

What if this is our one big moment to shift away from being a nation of ego, wailing like a baby, wanting only to be seen and heard and valued.  And, yes, wanting to be loved.

What if this is our big moment to shift toward being a nation of soul, desiring nothing more than the right -- and the responsibility -- to love unequivocally, love one another, care for one another, protect one another?

I'm not proud of how I feel about people who still support Trump, and I've got a lot of unresolved "issues," to put it mildly, for people who voted for Trump.  But what if I could choose to love them? Love them not in some pitying way like, "Oh, let me love these poor, deluded fools."  But sincerely love them as individuals? 

Is there a way to feel love, to practice love, when I see images of the maddened men and women who broke into the Capitol Building?

I'm not sure I can do it.  Honestly, I'm not sure it's possible.  And if I'm brutally honest, I'm not even 100% sure I want it to even be possible.

But this week, when so much is at stake in my country.  With so much at stake within my own soul -- within the person I want to be. With so much to lose.  With so much to gain. I know I'm going to try.

Because I want to be a better person.  I want to be a better American.  I want to be a leader if only in my own little sphere. 

What if we all chose to be leaders?

As Americans, we've tried anger. We've tried judgment.  We've tried contempt, disdain, marching, rioting, arguing, picking each other apart like vultures feeding on the carrion of what Americans used to be.

What if we just choose the leadership of love. Every moment. Every time. With every person. What if we follow Dr. King's leadership and legacy on loving our so-called enemies?

This week, when we could be sorely tested. When we might want to judge and be fearful and hate. 

What if we let love rule?

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